TODAY'S PRAYER

Blue Butterfly prays :


" O Lord, Mighty Lord. Have mercy on me for questioning Your love to me. You gave me such great pain to pull me closer to You and to feel Your presence in my life. I believe in You, O Lord. Everything is good according to your plan.

You are my savior, my giver of life. You takes away my sadness and You grants me happiness. Do not abandon me, Lord. I surrender my life and my heart to You, and let me walk together with You always. ALLELUIA...AMEN... ".

Inside her heart, Blue Butterfly really wishes that someday God will give her Holy Spirit to make this prayer becomes a Hymn, so that His people are able to Praise and Worship Him more and more.

N.B.
anyone wants to share his/her prayer??? So that, Blue Butterfly can helps to compose more Song for God. Arigato.

WISHING THANKS TO THE LOVELY ONES

Through this opportunity, Blue Butterfly wants to say "Thank You" to whom who helped her in going through her pain.

To my Great Family...
" Thank you for your million calls and sms in giving me advices and courage to be strong and brave in facing my pain. Thank you for my parents who told me about my weaknesses and helped me to find the way out. Thank you my brothers who immediately text me to stay calm and told me that God is planning to make me become a better person in life ".

To my Special One, E.E. Butterfly...
" Thank you for being there always for me from the start until the end. Thank you for all of your prayer. Thank you for the sadness that you felt for me. Thank you for accompanying me for the whole day just to make me laugh again, although I know you suffered lots of leg pain and felt extremely tired. Thank you for your Japanese Robot dance which really made me burst into laugh. Thank you for treating me a good and expensive lunch. You are precious for me. I already have my spirit back ".

To my friends and teachers...
" Thank you so much for all your kindness and attention and support and pray. By actually knowing that I still have you all who trust me is a courage to stand firm and face my pain ".

To Pink Butterfly....
" Thank you for your silent pray for me in your blog and thank you for your support. Thank you for the love that makes me feel the love of God ".

To the Youth Community of the St. Mary Church...
" Thank you for your sincerity to pray for me and to share your life experience with me. Thank you for welcoming me into your community. Thank you to be the people of God who helped me take away my sadness, anger and pain ".

BAPTISM OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

Baptism of The Holy Spirit is the answer of all the questions that Blue Butterfly had ever asked to God during her DISASTER DAY.

The day after her Disaster Day, Blue Butterfly was having lunch with her special E.E. Butterfly at the nearby shopping centre. E.E. Butterfly kept convinced Blue Butterfly that he heard God said He wanted to teach Blue Butterfly something through this pain that she was suffering. After lots of sharing and talking, Blue Butterfly suddenly said to E.E.Butterfly that God wants her to see the life in the real world and wants her to become a good teacher in the future. But she wasn't sure about that yet. Then, E.E. Butterfly asked her to join him to the church that afternoon to let go all of the pain. At the same time, E.E. Butterfly was going to give a talk about Baptism of The Holy Spirit on that day among the church youth community. So, Blue Butterfly followed to the church. During the trip to the church, E.E. Butterfly kept explaining about Baptism of Holy Spirit and what they were going to do later on. Then, Blue Butterfly said to E.E. Butterfly that she will just sit down there and watch. But, E.E. Butterfly answered wisely that it was actually not a show to watch, but it was a miracle to feel. So, E.E. Butterfly said that maybe later Blue Butterfly will feel the Holy Spirit from God and will change her mind. Blue Butterfly nodded quietly with all of the pain in her heart.

Finally, we arrived in the church at 3pm. Blue Butterfly was introduced to some new friends who are very friendly and warmly welcomed her coming. Then, the Pray and Worship started. Only by the first prayer and hymns by the community leader, the tears had filled and run down over the face of Blue Butterfly. Blue Butterfly cried because she felt so sad and tired from the pain that she was suffering and she urged to see that God will show His way and help her to go through all of this pain. Blue Butterfly kept crying in every prayer and worship until it had finished. After the prayer and worship, E.E. Butterfly shared his life experience in regaining his Faith to God and how he finally felt the work of the Holy Spirit by taking him closer and closer to God, although he has no logic reason about the presence of God. The talk by E.E. Butterfly gave some idea to Blue Butterfly about the Baptism of Holy Spirit.

After the Praise and Worship session, everybody was divided into 5-6 people in a group with two group leaders each. The purpose of this group division is for us to have time to share with each other about our experience with God or any other questions that we are uncertain about. Blue Butterfly was not a person who was willing to share her personal life to unfamiliar people. But after hearing other people experiences, Blue Butterfly suddenly hear the sound which opened her heart and mind about all the pain that she was suffering and how God deeply loves her. After that, Blue Butterfly urged to open her mouth and share all of her pain in tears....

" I am suffering a deep pain and failure right now which I know those pain happened because of injustice things in my environment. I keep asking God why He gives me such painful moment meanwhile I always believe and pray to Him. Then, I flash back to my previous believes on Him since young. I realise something that I was baptised, believe in God and go to church everyday are because my Mother and my teachers taught me to do so. And I always said that God is very kind because during this time I always experienced the good things that happened in my life. But I actually did not feel and understand the actual meaning of God's love and presence in my life. I don't even know why I must go to church. To get good things??? The answer is "NO". God gives me such deep pain, so that I can be better and stronger person who always depend and closer to Him. God actually loves me so much that in this disaster situation, He never leaves me alone. He surrounds me with the love and courage from my family, my boyfriend, my teachers and my friends. He even brings me to this youth community to find all of the answers. God shows me that life is actually very painful, therefore we must always believe and walk together with Him. God knows that I have the passion to become a teacher, and therefore He teaches me how to become a good teacher in the future. Now I really feel the love and presence of God in my life and I believe this is what Baptism of The Holy Spirit means to me ".

The last session of this whole retreat is the Praying Over session, whereby everybody in each group was prayed by their group leaders. Blue Butterfly kept crying to God and she felt more relieve from her pain after that.

DISASTER DAY

Two days ago, Friday evening, Blue Butterfly received a short message from her mentor after she just finished teaching. Receiving those messages was actually the starting of her Disaster Day because those messages informed Blue Butterfly that She had failed her BA Final Recital (5 of the other friends also failed). At first, Blue Butterfly kept repeating reading the messages as if she was reading the wrong sentences or those message was sent to the wrong person. Finally, she replied to the sender and unfortunately, It is true. Suddenly Blue Butterfly felt her heart hurt so much and she could hardly breathe. She could not believe the fact that she had failed the exam as she felt that she was playing smoothly during the recital (although it was not a perfect performance and interpretation), and even some of her friends said that she was doing OK. With much of pain and confusion inside her heart, Blue Butterfly kept walking alone to the MRT station and called her special one, E.E. Butterfly. After hearing the news, E.E. Butterfly immidiately met Blue Butterfly at the nearest MRT station and accompanied her until she was calm. Blue Butterfly then told the exact story to E.E. Butterfly and started to cry and cry and cry....

Blue Butterfly felt deeply sad and hurt because this was her last year in completing her BA and she had failed. Other than that, Blue Butterfly felt that she had already worked so hard regardless her limitation of musicality and technique to pass the exam with no any memory laps or major mistakes. A few days before, her mentor once told her that she will absolutely pass the exam. It's just the mentor could not guarantee which grade (A,B,C,D) Blue Butterfly could achieve. Blue Butterfly already felt satisfied with the "PASS" word and felt relieved. But at the end, She failed the exam and the most sad part was that Blue Butterfly won't be able to join the Graduation Ceremony on August with all of her friends. Although she had re-assessed the exam, she must wait until next year for the graduation ceremony. Blue Butterfly was not able to find the exact reason of her failure.

Blue Butterfly cried the whole 24 hours with no sleep at all by questioning to herself and even to God. Blue Butterfly questioned herself why she was a so untalented and so bad pianist until she could not pass the exam. Then, Blue Butterfly also questioned God why He make this disaster day happened to her while she put all of her trust to Him and always pray to Him everyday. This is the first time in her life that Blue Butterfly dares to questioned God " Why are you leaving me God? Why do you give such hard time, while my other friends who are not a believer like me can always have a very smooth life? What do you want to teach me God and please show me Your Way? "......Blue Butterfly did not sleep and eat and drink for that 24 hours.

FINAL RECITAL DAY

Two days ago, precisely on Friday (15 May 09) was an emotional day for Blue Butterfly. That day was her Final Recital day for BA (music). The following stories are how she begins her day....

Blue Butterfly woke up at 9.30 in the morning after having a difficult sleep the night before. It was not as the same as the usual morning, this time Blue Butterfly felt like there were million tons of rocks covering her face until she could hardly breath. But, Blue Butterfly kept praying to God and kept telling herself that everything's going to be alright. Then, Blue Butterfly received a lot of prayer and encouraging words from her family, loved ones and friends.
As the time of her recital was getting nearer and nearer, Blue Butterfly even felt more and more anxious and nervous. But with the Bless and Holy Spirit from God, Blue Butterfly finally finished her recital smoothly with lots of heart and joy, although it was not a perfect performance.


The feeling of playing on the stage with all eyes of audiences watching at you and examiners judging on you is a really truly scary moment. You have practiced for 6 months only for that 45 minutes recital which concludes whether you are doing good or bad. On one side you must be able to control your playing and concentration, while on the other side you must be able to control and psycho your nervousness and consciousness. But, this whole scary moment of Blue Butterfly had made her became more independent and confident person. At the end....Only if you keep believe on God and always put all your hopes and worries on Him, you will be just alright.

" Million Thanks to you my God for all of your blessings in helping me went through all the happiness and sadness during this past 4 years of my undergraduate ". ( Blue Butterfly )


" Special Thanks to my Faithful Friend ( Green Butterfly ) for your support and accompany during my recital and also for giving me a big hug to cry after my recital ". ( Blue Butterfly )

COLORFUL CUP CAKES DAY

Blue Butterfly feels that today is a....

HAPPY....WONDERFUL....COLORFUL.....EXCITED....DAY.....ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH....

Today, Blue Butterfly tries to make a chocolate cheese cup cakes with her two Butterfly Friends. They are the lovely Pink Butterfly and Green Butterfly (housemate). No matter how the result is, but the crucial part of today's event is that everybody feels so so happy in working together, laughing together and eating together...hahaahaa....
At the end, the result of our cup cakes is fantastic ( as it is a first try for everybody ).

The three Butterflies start the day by doing the bakery shopping before starting to make the cup cakes. Well, the entire session of the baking is filled by Passion, Laugh and Big Shouts. After about three hours of hard work, finally the cup cakes are ready to be decorated. And....It tastes so GREAT...GREAT...GREAT. The topping cheese is fantastic, and the melting chocolate inside it is YUMMY. Well...only we need to put more topping in order to make it more fluffy.

Green Butterfly is very good in making the cakes, including putting them into the Hot Oven. How about the other two butterflies??? Blue Butterfly and Pink Butterfly are so excited in doing the decoration part. They keeps putting more and more colorful butter, more and more rainbow sprinkles, and more and more lovely colorful ducks and rabbits. Blue Butterfly realises something that she will make cup cakes or cookies for her future children, so that they can do some creativity and art.

Blue Butterfly then thinks to herself that in her future life with her husband and children, she does not really need much more wealth, but she wishes that she can be always happily spending time and doing things together with her lovely and precious ones like today.


" Really great to spend time with you, my lovely Pink Butterfly and Green Butterfly " (Blue Butterfly)

MEMORIES........

This following story of Blue Butterfly is inspired by her friend's writing whom she called "Pink Butterfly".

It was yesterday night when Blue Butterfly read a story of "Pink Butterfly" about the words from her heart. Just do not know why, Blue Butterfly felt the story of "Pink Butterfly" was so familiar to her. Suddenly, Blue Butterfly was able to recall about it. That story is used to be what Blue Butterfly herself had experienced before.....

Blue Butterfly is almost in the same circumstances with Pink Butterfly. She is the youngest child, as well as the only daughter in her family. Both of her brothers are much much older than her (in the gap of 6 years old). Blue Butterfly used to be helped by her two big brothers and always regarded them as her pioneer in her life. She mostly get what she wished from her father and she hardly shared things with other people. But, what she was very proud of is that she has the love and intention from her two smart brothers which maybe not everyone had. Maybe because Blue Butterfly is the only daughter, her brothers always tried to give attention, protect and help her whenever she faced some problems. Therefore, Blue Butterfly always felt very safe and loving, yet very self centered in her life. What a Spoiled Princess life of Blue Butterfly.

But as time goes and everybody is growing up, Blue Butterfly had to face the fact that her brothers were not totally hers anymore. Hahaha....her two lovely brothers were having a girlfriend (Blue Butterfly was about 19). It was really a very very good news for Blue Butterfly. But just for some reasons, she felt something had missing. She felt those attentions were not as much as they used to be. When she accompanied her brothers for dating with the girlfriends, she thinks quietly " Hey...those hugs, treats and gifts that my brother gives are all used to be mine". A bit of jealousy here. Then, suddenly there was a fear in her heart that one day her two lovely brothers will abandon her and will never help her anymore, and she will be left alone. But it did not mean that Blue Butterfly hated her brothers' girlfriend. It just her own thought and fear of losing.

Fortunately in this situation of Blue Butterfly, God shows His way. There was one day before her birthday when her brother asked about what gift that Blue Butterfly wished to have. So, Blue Butterfly just jokingly answered. Surprisingly on that day, her brother gave her what she really whised to have. It was a complete set of hair styled equipments. Blue Butterfly kept wondering how her brother managed to buy those things (brothers are bad in shopping). It was actually his brother's girlfriend who helped him to find it in everystore. Since that time, Blue Butterfly realised something that she was not missing any attention, but she was actually having more attention. Then, she also realised that her brother never ever abandon her although he alrady had a girlfriend. Her brothers always share their problems, always asked her for lunch, dinner, holiday, and always helping her. And because of this experience, Blue Butterfly learned how to be more independent and willing to share with other people.

Now, Blue Butterfly is feeling happy and grateful to God that her brothers had found someone who always love and care for them, and also thanks to God that she is actually being given two sisters whom she never had in her life. Blue Butterfly believes that Sister and Girlfriend have different meaning and importance in every heart of a brother. Both of them will never ever be replaced with anyone else. And therefore, brothers will never abandon their sisters and family. So, Blue Butterfly is not scared of beling lonely anymore and she wants to cherish every moment with his brothers, friends and she will also find her own future which she already had right now with her Special One (E.E. Butterfly).

E.E. Butterfly is a great boyfriend, yet great brother. He treats Blue Butterfly very very nice, but in the same time he never neglects his family which Blue Butterfly is very happy about. He often tells short stories about his family members and he also always reflects himself to them. Blue Butterfly knows that his family and She are having different place in his heart that can't be replaced by anybody, because Blue Butterfly also will never replaced her family and E.E. Butterlfly in her heart with anybody else in this world. Blue Butterfly knows that everybody will always be together like they used to be, but maybe every of them will have different priorities in life.

" Thanks to you, my E.E. Butterfly & Pink Butterfly for letting me come to your life and thanks for giving me some times to adjust and adapt to it ". ( Blue Butterfly )

WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY

Blue Butterfly is so so Happy today. She watches a great movie, X-Men The Original Wolverine, after practicing piano for the whole day. But, what makes the day so so Wonderful is that she is accompanied by two lovely Butterflies, her Special One ( E.E. Butterfly ) and his sister ( Pink Butterfly ).



" Thanks to you my lovely ones for the accompaniment. Have a good night and rest. God Bless You ".
(Blue Butterfly)

Satisfaction as a Teacher

STUDENT RECORD #1

That day was the day when Blue Butterfly certainly understood about the satisfaction as an educator. So, Blue Butterfly was having a young student (9 years old) who was preparing for the Piano ABRSM Grade 1 exam. Her name is "Moshi Maru". She had learned piano under Ms. Blue Butterfly for about 1 year, before her parents finally decided to register their daughter for the exam. Honestly, it was a shock for Blue Butterfly as she knows well about the learning progression of "Moshi Maru".

"Moshi Maru" can be considered as a slow learner with good spirit. Also can be considered as a student with poor musical talent. She is weak in sense of rhythm and pulse, sense of body coordination, sense of musical flow, sense of aural skill, as well as sense of notes reading. At first, Blue Butterfly was trying to give up on "Moshi Maru", but suddenly she thought to herself " maybe this student is given by God to me, so that I can help her, not to abandon her ". Since that time, Blue Butterfly knows that her passion and hard work in guiding "Moshi Maru" will benefit her in the future. So, Blue Butterfly kept finding different ways of teaching in order to make the student understand.

After the hard work for 1 year, the exam day had finally come. It was not only a nervous day for "Moshi Maru", but it was also a nervous day for Blue Butterfly. But, in the middle of that tense moment, "Moshi Maru" suddenly says " Teacher, thank you. I even can't believe myself that I can play all of the exam pieces ". Blue Butterfly almost cried when she heard those sentences. Because of that moment, Blue Butterfly finally feels the genuine satisfaction as a teacher.

The satisfaction as a teacher does not lie on what results or achievements your student had obtained, but it lies on how much he/she had improved and feels motivated. Through this experience, Blue Butterfly believes that Passion, Encouragement and Creativity are the main requirements which every teacher should explore more. At the end of the story, "Moshi Maru" was certified with pass in her exam. WONDERFUL DAY...

The Day when Blue Butterfly Found her Job

Three years ago....

Blue Butterfly was accepted as a piano teacher in a small little music school after having an audition and interview for an hour (confused with the long rules). Let us name it "A" music school. As the first image, Blue Butterfly found that it was a cozy and comfortable school, with a friendly directors. For the first 3 months, Blue Butterfly enjoyed her work so much and she loved her students. Unfortunately, Blue Butterfly felt something was missing in her work after the 8th month. What is missing??? It used to be a question with no answer for Blue Butterfly. Well...after doing some observations and evaluations, finally she found its answers. It was the Passion and Encouragement, which she could not find in the "A" music school. At the end, Blue Butterfly resigned from her work.

It was a lucky day. By the time Blue Butterfly intended to resign from her work, she got an offer as a piano teacher in other music school as well. The name is "MK" music school. By the time she reached there, she silently said inside her heart " Thanks God, this is just what I wish to have in the future ". It is a music school filled with arts and passion, with wise and friendly directors. At the end, Blue Butterfly feels so Happy Yupi Yupi to work there until nowadays.